To me, the thing about friendship that makes it so singular is that its a relationship thats central to our identity in that it doesnt necessarily benefit us in any tangible way. Its a relationship we dont have to pursue if we decide to stop being friends one day, nothing will happen, no ones there to legislate or adjudicate it. Its two people who every day choose to keep it going, and in that way its very powerful because its one you choose to work on, and you choose to without any agreement; its an unspoken bond.
I know my life's meaningful because"- and here he stopped, and looked shy, and was silent for a moment before he continued- "because I'm a good friend. i love my friends, and I care about them, and I think I make them happy.
At times he missed being part of the pictures himself, here was a whole narrative of his friends' lives, his absence an enormous missing part, but he also enjoyed the godlike role he played. He got to see his friends differently, not as just appendages to his life but as distinct characters inhaling their own stories; he felt sometimes that he was seeing them for the first time, even after so many years of knowing them.
They were his friends, his first friends, and he understood that friendship was a series of exchanges, of affections, of time, sometimes of money, always of information.
The only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than vou are - not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving - and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and to try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad-or good - it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all. But the best, as well.
Why wasn't friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasn't it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified. Friendship was witnessing another's slow drip of miseries, and long bouts of boredom, and occasional triumphs. It was feeling honored by the privilege of getting to be present for another person's most dismal moments, and knowing that you could be dismal around him in return.
Why wasnt friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasnt it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by sex or physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified
the only trick of friendship, I think, is to find people who are better than you are - not smarter, not cooler, but kinder, and more generous, and more forgiving - and then to appreciate them for what they can teach you, and try to listen to them when they tell you something about yourself, no matter how bad - or good - it might be, and to trust them, which is the hardest thing of all.