We talk so openly, so freely, about body shame, as we rightly should, but we dont talk about the shame that comes from constantly seeing other people having loving, consistent, reliable friendships as though everyone has that and if you dont, thats super weird, whats wrong with you? That relational shame. What does it say about you that you couldnt easily find four to five people who all understand you constantly, make you feel seen, anticipate every possible need, and try at all costs to protect you from experiencing pain? And if someone caused you to feel pain, why didnt they swoop in and hold you while you cried for days, which is always what happens to everyone of course. Why couldnt you find that, so easily, at the local corner store, like everyone else on earth did, you genuine freak?
In a new friendship it can be so important to know what someone else has experienced before you assume that your experience is monolithic
It's so easy to become obsessed with how other people are being hurtful that sometimes we don't think about how we can be better to our friends as well.